WILLIAMSON COUNTY — In a shocking display of bravery and originality, a group of self-proclaimed “Williamson County Conservatives” — known for their strict commitment to losing elections and calling for unity whenever convenient — have launched a brand-new shadow Republican club after losing the official party reorganization.
Sources say the new club’s mission is simple: Keep the same people in power forever, protect every incumbent at all costs, and ensure no boat, yacht, or personal gravy train is ever rocked.
The club, unofficially named the Williamson County Incumbent Protection Society, already boasts an impressive membership list:
- Relatives of elected officials? Check.
- People who sit on paid community boards? Check.
- Individuals deeply committed to ensuring no uncomfortable questions about wasteful spending are ever asked? Big check.
In a heartfelt press conference held behind closed doors (with no minutes, of course), one leader was heard whispering:
“We’re all about unity… as long as you agree with everything we say and leave our friends’ paychecks alone.”
Meanwhile, taxpayers continue funding $400,000 a year to Williamson, Inc. — the local Chamber of Commerce turned Political BFF Club — without an active contract, no service expectations, and no measurable success. It’s the kind of financial stewardship that would make Washington, D.C. weep tears of jealousy.
In unrelated news, Williamson County residents have begun asking when DOGE (Dedication, Oversight, Government Efficiency) will start sniffing around to expose this mess.
Stay tuned. The so-called “conservatives” just might launch another club next week… if they lose another vote.